


Postpartum

by Ms_prawo_jazdy



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alpha Alfie Solomons, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Fluff, M/M, Omega Thomas Shelby, Postpartum Depression, postpartum anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2020-08-13 00:50:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_prawo_jazdy/pseuds/Ms_prawo_jazdy
Summary: Ruth, Tommy's first child with Alfie, has changed both of them in unexpected ways. They struggle, sometimes together and sometimes alone, to make sense of their new lives with this tiny human





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Postpartum depression
> 
> Not all of these experiences are my own. For instance, I am one of the few to not suffer from postpartum depression or even the baby blues! I am using a lot of experiences of other new moms I know but most of this story comes from my husband and I being new parents
> 
> A note about formula feeding: By the beginning of the 20th century there were already formulas being sold by companies like Nestle as well as bottles similar to what we use today. Tried to make this as historically accurate as possible but it simply hasn't changed much since the beginning of the 20th ce. 
> 
> Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2684040/

The baby's cries felt like cold water dumped on Tommy every time they rang through the house, especially if he was in the middle of sleep. Little Ruth was born a few days before and along with the overwhelming joy and happiness came the exhaustion and responsibility seasoned parents loved to warn Tommy and Alfie about. Well, Tommy had known all about that. In addition to caring for his younger siblings, John's pack of feral wildlings gave him a pretty good idea of what to expect. It was almost insulting when other omegas warned about sleepless nights and the never-ending hunger of painful-looking little jaws. What he hadn't counted on was how hard it would be to get up with a baby after birth. All of him ached, picking up the eight-pound infant was a serious challenge that was usually accompanied by a gush of blood from his beaten body, every muscle screaming over his wiry frame. 

Alfie did what he could but the baby didn't want his father. Ruth had spent her life so far with only one person, she only knew Tommy's scent and his body. Alfie couldn't seem to comfort her, she shrieked in his arms but the moment Tommy dragged himself out of bed and took her she settled. What he wanted most of all was a break but Ruth would not allow it. This frustrated Alfie as well as he was sure his very much wanted daughter already hated his guts. 

"I haven't even had time to traumatize her like a proper parent! Why does she hate me?" The smell of pipe smoke grew stronger in Alfie's frustration. The normally comforting smell made the baby cry harder and Tommy pulled her close, trying to battle out Alfie's scent with his own. Tommy's scent had become sweeter and somehow more diluted. His scent of fresh-turned earth and amber had transformed into lake water and water lilies. His body was no longer trying to attract his mate but actually the opposite. After all, he had done his biological duty and reproduced, no need to intice an alpha and getting pregnant right away again would be a disaster. Everything was geared towards Ruth now and though Alfie didn't admit it, he was frustrated with the change in Tommy as well. 

"She's days old, she doesn't hate anything," Tommy responded exhausted, looking down at the wriggling creature in his arms and bouncing her softly. God, she was so beautiful, so why did he want to run away from her? There were darker thoughts as well, what if he was to just toss her out the window? Tommy spent as little time as possible going up and down stairs not only because of the tears on his body but because he kept having impulses and visions of tossing her from the top landing. It was terrifying and the idea made him sad and crazy, so why was it still happening? Was he too violent, too much of a bad man to be a father? Was this whole thing a mistake? He could feel sobs rising in his chest so he carried her out of the room away from Alfie to escape his own doubts as well as the smell of pipe tobacco. Ruth settled against him, rooting towards him looking for food. Tommy winced at the sight. Hungry again? He was bloody from her suckling and she demanded it nearly every hour. He collapsed in his nest and attempted to feed the small hellion which elicited more shrieks. She was getting smaller and hungrier and Tommy didn't know why.

"Helllloooo!" Someone had just barged through Alfie's front door without so much as a knock. Alfie would've been furious if he hadn't also been so tired. A few seconds later Polly's scent reached him. The cavalry had arrived. About fucking time. Tommy scooped her up from the nest and headed downstairs to meet Polly, suppressing the intrusive thoughts all the while. 

Polly had Finn and Ada with her, both dragging in baskets of gifts and pots full of food into the parlor for the new parents. Finn had just presented a few weeks before, an alpha, and there was already a swagger to the way he marched around. His newfound maturity had wrung everything boyish out of him and Tommy couldn't help but feel a twang of pain, that'd happen one day to his Ruth. 

"Oh Tommy, she's beautiful!" Ada sang and immediately reached out and took the baby from his arms. Thank fucking christ. His arms felt strange not to have a heavy baby in them, unnatural for them to be hanging at his sides. 

"Yeah, we did well." Alfie beamed with pride, Tommy just stared at the floor with an exhausted and empty smile on his face. Alfie's scent grew stronger and the Ruth began to fuss. 

"Bring it down a bit Alfie, you are going to get her crying," Polly said looking over Ada's shoulder into Ruth's face. So this was a common thing? Why hadn't any of the smug parents with their unsolicited advice mentioned any of that?!

"She's a bit jaundiced Tom, is she eating?" Polly asked. She started digging through the baskets coming up with a glass bottle and a tin of formula. "You know it takes a few days for your milk to come in full, she may need something in the meantime. Can I make her a bottle?" Tommy felt a rush of relief and a pang of guilt. He couldn't provide for his daughter, what kind of father was he but at the same time what kind of father wouldn't face reality and feed her regardless of the method. 

"Worth a try." He said with a shrug, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. 

"Some sun would also help with jaundice. Get something to eat," She said nodding to the baskets, "It's a rare sunny day in London, we should take advantage of it. While I make her a bottle, let's take her out to the garden." Polly had taken control like she always did and while it was a little frustrating he was grateful for it. Pride does not come before Ruth's health and well being. Maybe she would be better off with Polly altogether but Alfie would never go for that. The relief at the idea of turning Ruth over to someone else, someone more caring and responsible and experienced was also a tragedy at the same time.

Ada and Polly disappeared into the kitchen with Ruth while Alfie, Tommy, and Finn dug through the treats they were brought. There was an assortment of hand pies, bread, fruit, milk, stewed vegetables, canned goods, a few tins of tea and coffee, as well as cookies and cakes. Tommy grabbed a beef pie and devoured it greedily while Alfie and Finn chatted over cookies. 

"I'm an alpha too!" Finn announced to Alfie with pride, the scent of frankincense obscenely strong. Alfie laughed and clapped him on the back. 

"You're a man now, ain't you Finn!" Tommy's mood sunk even lower at this display of alpha bonding. Neither of them would ever have to live with the rigid roles imposed on omegas or the pain of childbirth. 'Masters of the universe,' he thought bitterly, 'Can't even hold a baby without her having a meltdown.' Almost on cue he heard Ruth scream. All the hair on his body stood up and Tommy bolted for the kitchen where Polly was laughing at the red-faced newborn. Before he could snatch her away though Polly turned away from his open arms. 

"Oh my the drama!" She laughed bouncing the squalling baby her in her arms as she walked over to Tommy. "Have you got a clean handkerchief on you love?"

"Yeah," He pulled out the simple white cloth and handed it over. Polly put the handkerchief on Ruth's chest and held it close to her. 

The scent of her father immediately calmed her enough for Polly to pop a warm bottle into her mouth. Her little hands sprang up and she began swallowing in long draughts like a person who had been starving because well...she essentially had been. 

Tommy felt shame and relief spread over him. Shame that something so obvious could have prevented all of this - her hunger, his bad mood, Alfie's feelings of rejection - and relief that things appeared to be finally getting on the right track. Leaning against the wall with his head back looking at the ceiling, he hadn't realized that tears were rolling down his cheeks. 

"Tommy, it's ok!" Ada said coming to his side and stroking his arm. "Pol is great at this, she's raised her own youngins' and us." 

"Everyone needs some help at first, you couldn't have known," Polly confirmed with a sweet sympathetic nod. "She would've been fine but this just makes things easier." 

"You should just take her with you." He whispered so that Alfie and Finn, who had continued carrying on in the parlor, wouldn't hear him. "I'm not good at this, I'm not good enough." 

"Well," Polly said with a sigh, "Too bad. She's yours and you will need to figure it out." 

"It is more than that, I... I am worried I'm going to..." He couldn't finish the sentence, it was just too ghastly. He dropped his head in his hands and tried to muffle the sobs. 

"You think you are going to hurt her," Ada said with a maddening smirk. 

"How did you -" 

"You should've seen the state I was in right after I had Karl! Marching around the streets clutching him in my arms because I was terrified if he was in the pram I'd shove it into the cut!" Pol nodded. 

"Tom, you aren't alone. This isn't impossible. And you will not hurt her. I promise." Ada took his hand and wiped the tears from his face. "Let's get some sun."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfie struggles to bond with the baby and with Tommy. Taken from real recent experiences.

The start was rough for them both but it only seemed to stay tough for Alfie. Ruth and Tommy spent their days staring into one anothers eyes, an entire universe of love and understanding seemed to expand between them. Tommy knew her likes and dislikes for instance, something Alfie didn't think she could possibly have at this point in her life. He seemed to know exactly what she needed and when, claiming that he could tell which cry meant hungry, lonely, sleepy. Alfie was stumped. She seemed to be a blank slate, nothing but a crying, eating, sleeping machine. The last few months had been incredible of course. He had watched their daughter figure out her body and brain in small increments. Her face registered a hundred different emotions over the course of only a few months, flexing the muscles and creating the facial expressions required for human interaction, but with no meaning behind them. She just stared at everything with no reaction. Alfie made faces at her and tried to tickle her tummy and she just stared or cried. 

He was pleased to see Tommy so in love with Ruth after his shaky start. Alfie was relieved to find out that what Tommy was experiencing was common and even more relieved when the dark cloud that had developed post-partum dissipated. They seem made for each other, completely at ease in each other's company, and Alfie was always on the outside looking in. He had hoped for a family so badly and now he was lonelier than ever. Ruth shrieked when Alfie held her, screamed almost as if she was in pain. Tommy had healed well and now he rushed to take her from his arms whenever she wailed. Tommy had given up on the idea of a break. He was on full-time Daddy duty and would step in and take over if Alfie even remotely struggled. Alfie had begun to stop trying. He wanted to help, he wanted to be part of this family, but he didn't seem to know-how. He felt like everything he did was wrong, hell, he couldn't even hold her without Ruth making some truly terrifying sounds. Alfie started staying out of the house more, staying at the bakery and wandering home well after the baby would be asleep. On his late nights, Alfie wander down by the docks and though he would never be unfaithful, he would window shop the young men selling their bodies in the shadows along the water and he'd think about what it would be like. This exercise in shame and frustration invariably turned to depression. If Alfie had to pay someone to feel wanted he'd rather go on feeling alone. He'd get back home and the baby would be in bed. Then he could capture a couple of precious hours alone with Tommy. 

They'd cuddle, talk about their day, and Alfie could sometimes pretend their lives were back to normal. Sure, Tommy was drinking a kind of thick barley water instead of whiskey to help with milk production and he had nearly completely stopped with the constant cigarettes...still, it was somewhat normal. But it wouldn't last. Tommy's scent had completely gone flat and was more of a nuisance now. They had gotten the all-clear from the doctor to start having sex again after six weeks but...it wasn't so easy as just starting again. Tommy had no interest and it was pretty obvious he was doing it to keep Alfie happy, definitely a turn-off. The first few attempts ended after only a couple of minutes as Tommy's body was still healing and nowhere near ready for him. Seeing Tommy's face contorted in pain just drove Alfie deeper into his despair. Half the time he would wake up in the middle of the night and Tommy would be out of their bed, sleeping in a guest room with Ruth passed out on top of him in her long white gown. Alfie would sulk the entire way down the hallway and collapse in bed, repressing tears. 

Why didn't anyone warn him that he'd feel so absolutely useless? Worse than useless, Tommy was doing the hard work of raising their newborn daughter and all Alfie could contribute was hounding him for a self-centered rut.

The cloud hanging over Alfie's head was so dark and obvious that Ollie had to poke his head into the office to make sure Alfie hadn't offed himself. When he opened the door and peeked around to see his boss face down on his desk. Ollie still couldn't confidently say he was still among the living. 

"Sir?" 

"Mmph" was the response. Ollie gingerly entered the room, shutting the door behind him and leaning against the arm of an overstuffed chair across from Alfie's desk. Alfie's hat was dented and on the floor. Ollie's power of deduction quickly worked out that Alfie had been wearing it when his forehead met the desktop, crunched the brim, and flopped upside down on the floor with it's yawning hollow black eye staring back up at him. 

"Rough night? Ruth keeping you up?" 

"Oh no, Tommy does all of that." 

"...All of it sir? I didn't take Tommy to be a traditional omega type." 

"He isn't but..." Alfie felt the truth pushing him into a dangerous realm of over-familiarity with Ollie. 

But fuck it. 

Alfie swung his head off the desk. His cheeks were flushed and there was a great red mark where skull met desktop with only a thin layer of skin between them. He looked hard at Ollie. 

"I can't do it Ollie." 

Both were surprised at his sudden honesty. Ollie just nodded. 

"What can't you do?" 

"Any of it. I pick her up and she screams. I try and change her or get up with her at night to let Tommy sleep and she screams. She hates me and I can't ...help... anyone." His eyes seemed to focus behind Ollie's head and grew glassy. Fuck, he was drunk. A rare occurrence that portended bad things. 

"You holdin her right?" 

"What kinda stupid ass question is that!?" 

"Alfie, what are you thinking when you hold her?" 

"I am thinking, "Why the fuck are you crying now!?" 

"Before that, how do you hold her? Does she feel safe, do you hold her tight or are you scared of crushing her?" 

Alfie was dumbfounded. She was small and fragile, like a china doll. He always held her gingerly, scared his brut strength and violent nature would somehow injure her. He felt a rush of unearned rage fed by frustration and the self-deprecation he was wallowing in. 

"Here," Ollie picked the injured hat off the floor and held it out to Alfie. "Hold this like you hold her, show me." 

"Oh fuck off!" 

"I'm serious." Ollie wiggled the crumbled hat at Alfie until he snatched it away from him. "Now hold the hat."  
Ollie watched as he loosely cradled the hat, holding it a few inches away from his body with tense hands. His arms were unnaturally positioned so that if a baby was in his arms they'd feel his tension and he would be exhausted if he held her for any real amount of time. Ollie couldn't help but smile. 

"Wipe that fuckin' smile off your gob right the fuck now." 

"Ok, ok..." He held his hands up in defense. He came around to Alfie's side and physically grabbed his elbow and positioned it lower and closer to his body. Ollie pressed Alfie's forearm towards his trunk so the hat went from a circle to oblong as he squeezed the brim and wrapped his fingers tight around the edge. 

"Babies are way more resilient than you think and they want to feel secure and snuggled. If you are barely holding her she will know and not like it. Babies can smell your fear. Try squeezing her when you hold her, not a lot, but like you are doing to the hat now." Ollie turned and headed for the door, he felt his employer's tolerance for unsolicited advice might be reaching its limits. 

"How - how do you know this?"

"My ma died in childbirth with my 8th sibling. I carried a lot of babies." He nodded at the hat and then gave Alfie a painful and suppressed smile. "Good luck boss." 

Alfie blinked away the tears and looked down at the hat again and back up at the door where Ollie had just disappeared. 

Alfie went home early that night, his misshapen hat dangling by his side. Before he even opened the door he could hear little Ruth fussing, not crying, but close to it. He sucked air in through his teeth, steeled himself, and walked into his home. He saw his beautiful mate in the kitchen bouncing her and trying to get her to settle in for a bottle of milk. She appeared too upset to eat and had clearly just finished a grand strop. 

"Hello love, can I say hello to her?" 

"She's really upset Alfie, I just got her this calm don't you think you should wait until -" Before he could finish Alfie was lifting her from his arms. Alfie did as he was taught. Close to his body, squeezed but not too tightly, and let his arm relax so he wasn't holder her on his chest but more resting her on his stomach. She fussed again and Tommy tried to reach for her. "No Tommy, I need to learn and you need... you need to let go a little. She won't fall apart if she's upset for a minute. Let us... let us figure this out." A flash of angry protective energy ran across Tommy's omega face but Alfie pleaded with his eyes. When Tommy turned back to their daughter she had settled down and stared at Alfie for a moment in her usual emotionless way. 

Then it happened. 

A smile.

A real smile. 

With thought and emotion behind it, a real reaction and it was for him. All of a sudden he was the only person in the world and there it was, the feeling he had watched Tommy swimming through the last few weeks, the bond with this little person slammed into Alfie full force. He couldn't believe he had ever survived with this part of him missing. All the melancholy, the despair, the doubt burned away like fog in the late morning sun. 

Alfie felt the hot tears prick his eyes and hide them behind a smile. She reached up and wrapped her fingers around the hair of this beard and yanked hard. Alfie made a shocked painful sound and she laughed. The first thing she had ever thought was funny, the first thing she ever smiled or laughed at was him and his beard. 

Tommy was still as far from him as ever and clearly still didn't have any confidence in his abilities to care for Ruth but something changed that night. She had given him her heart and now they shared something that Tommy didn't even have with her. A laugh.

Finally, things could and possibly would improve. They had a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah jeeze, took me for-ev-er to update but you know, I got a baby right now! I hope you enjoy!!! :D


	3. Chapter 3

The absolute nerve.

He waltzes in here after being next to god damn useless and she laughs the for the first time...at him. The one she usually screams at!

Tommy stewed, feeling a breaking point somewhere in the near future. Sure he hadn't let Alfie help most of the time, well, almost at all. He was just such shit at it. After three months of constantly figuring out what every cry or movement meant he had finally found a report and rhythm - but not much of a relationship. Of course, he loved her and would do anything to protect her but she was shite for good company. His best baby talk, songs, kisses and tickles, - everything was met with a blank stare, large beautiful eyes searching his face as if memorizing each line and scar. Frankly, it was a lot of work for Tommy to be forced to socialize so much and receive so little back. He knew it was getting close to the day she would be old enough to finally smile at his antics and he imagined a new level of closeness born from that moment.

But Alfie had stolen it.

No.

Her other father got to experience that moment with her.

Fuck, he needed a drink.

And not here. An outside drink, in the world, like a regular damn man again.

He started gathering things while Alfie was still enthralled with Ruth. He was nearly out the door when Alfie stopped him.

"Oi - where the hell are you off to then?!"

"I need some air."

"You were just going to leave without saying nuthin? right now?" Ruth carried on smiling and chortling, tugging vigorously on Alfie's beard while he looked at Tommy in surprise.

"Knew you'd ask eventually. I need a break - besides you have things well in hand." Tommy wasn't able to wring that attitude from that last bit which caused Alfie to raise an eyebrow. "Milk's in the fridge. Good Luck." Tommy took his chance to dash into the night, to lick is wounds in a way that would make him feel like his old self again if only for a night.

His feet took him automatically to the pub.

Walking in was bizarre - Tommy's whole life had been upended. Not only in the break of routine and his usual turmoil - he now had the perspective that only having a baby brought and he turned new eyes onto his old life for the first time. He felt strangely separate from the Garrison even as friends and lackeys clapped him on the back and bought him drinks, welcoming the king back to his throne.

John and Arthur had already posted up in their usual private booth and Tommy entered without bothering to knock. Both men looked surprised but stood up to shake his hand and congratulate him on his sudden and unexplained return to public life.

"Tommy! As I live and breathe, you back in action already? Ruthie don't need your tit anymore?" Arthur, far too drunk this early as usual, roared in reaction to his own joke. "Ew, mate, you smell like shit." Arthur laughed again, smacking Tommy on his back several times.

Tommy was slightly pissed at this remark, his scent was a sore subject for him. Doc said it should return after six weeks but more omegas Tommy talked to about that laughed and said good luck - more like 6 months. He hadn't told Alfie that of course so here they were, 12 weeks in and Tommy still wanted nothing to do with sex and his biology reflected it.

"Never mind him Tom, good to have you back. Whiskey?"

"Yeah why not." Tommy said with a slight smile and took the glass from John. Before too long he had slipped into whiskey's steady amber embrace. The night passed far too quickly and Tommy soon found himself heavily inebriated. Avoiding the drink for months during his pregnancy and after he gave birth had begun to reduce his tolerance, and he had a lot to drink even on a good pre-pregnancy night.

He found himself smoking a cigarette while having a piss in the lav, nearly dead on his feet drunk. He barely registered the door opening behind him, but it was enough.

Tommy was suddenly aware of the intruder and how they paused, only a moment, less than a second but the pause was all it took. Tommy could feel someone steeling their bravery behind him. A sudden rustle of fabric, the quickening of steps rushing up and he turned late catching the would-be assassins blade down his cheek before it landed squarely in the top of his chest. The knife was stuck into his muscle and Tommy had no intention of giving it back. He was able to land a devastating uppercut to his assailant with his knee before the man could realize that his blow had badly missed. The man's teeth chattered in his head before he fell back to the ground and Tommy landed two more kicks to his stomach and head completely incapacitating the thug.

Tommy stumbled numbly back through the bar, the shouts of alarmed bar patrons and friends seemed to rise and then dim around him. Every breath caused the knife to rise and fall with the sounds when his own heartbeat suddenly joined, drowning out almost everyone. He staggered badly and landed on his forearms, clearing away the pints in a cacophony of shattered glass. The blood which had soaked into Tommy's dark clothes smeared to the tabletop dramatically revealing the severity of the wound. Someone called for Arthur and John and within a few moments there were arms under him, then fresh air, and suddenly Tommy was in a car. He couldn't understand what was being said to him half of the time. Mostly the boys were begging him to stay awake. His last thought as he succumbed to the darkness was _'Ruth - oh God Ruth - what have I done to you.' _


	4. Untitled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy wakes up from his close call from death and then goes right back to sleep. Ruth gets cuddles from Auntie Esme while some bloody business is done and Alfie finds out he is not so in the right after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tata is Romani for Daddy! :D Love it. 
> 
> Trying to mix more gangster shit into this so it isn't a "waaaa being a new parent is HARD" blog. Next chapter will be Ruth at 6 or 9 months and will be more baby focused.

Tommy heard Ruth's cries. He was exhausted, bone-tired, and found it impossible to move. 

"Alfie, could you bring me the baby?" he mumbled.  
"Holy fuck, he's awake." He could hear rushing across a room but not their room. He heard shoes one tiles and the bed didn't feel right at all. Tommy tried to force his eyes open but found it was so much of a struggle he found it wasn't worth it. He tried to lift his arms and pain suddenly radiated down his chest, a pain so breathtaking he felt as if he as being stabbed through - 

Wait. 

The sound of Ruth, much closer now, cause him to wrench his eyes open against the intoxicating malaise of the morphine. As the world came into focus the familiar smell of the hospital, disinfectant and well-meaning wilting flowers barely disguising the smells of sickness and death. He first saw Ruth and smiled. He then saw Alfie and ... well shit. Alfie looked partially relieved and partially furious and still very upset. What the fuck had happened? 

"Alfie -"   
"Yeah love, yeah." His voice shook. Fuck. This was bad. Alfie slipped his hand into Tommy's, cradling Ruth against his body. Tommy managed another weak smile.   
"Ruth - you're holding her -"   
"You didn't leave me with much choice, did you now Tommy? We had to figure it out." There was frustration coupled with anguish and exhaustion in his voice.   
"How long?"   
"Two nights, this is day three you motherfucking piece of shit." He leaned Ruth away from the conversation to shield her 3-month-old ears, "If you get better and I get my hands on you, you'll wish you were dead."  
"Oi!" The door banged open as John entered carrying yet more doomed vegetation - irises and lilies with some sort of green leaf - and pointed the bouquet's bloomed business end at Alfie. "He didn't choose to be attacked Alfie, he was stabbed from behind mate!"  
"If I had been there... I won't get into now. I'm just, I'm very happy you are alive. I know you hear this a lot but - you seriously - eh - look at me -" Alfie slapped Tommy's cheeks to keep him from fading. Alfie handed Ruth off to John and turned his attention back on Tommy, shaking him by the shoulders lightly. "Eh listen - YOU SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE DIED TOMMY."   
"The attacker knicked an artery and barely missed your heart Tom, you were bleeding out in the bar. Only a doctor drinking in the corner saved your life Tom."   
"They had to replace half your blood, TOMMY - TOM-WAKE UP, YOU HALF IS OF YOUR BLOOD IS NEW, THIS ISN'T FRANCE MATE." But Tommy had succumbed to the delicious darkness once again. Best to let that problem sort itself out he thought, maybe things will be better when he woke up again.   
John stepped up and took Ruth from Alfie's arms as he steamed. Ruth was asleep and didn't stir during the handover. Alfie was furious at everyone, John and Arthur for not watching and protecting Tommy, the would-be assassin for being so almost good at his job, and Tommy for storming out of the house without a kind word to end up almost lost to them. The idea of Tommy being dead, of Ruth growing up without her Father, it caused him to shake. The rage and grief in him battled it out while John stood their silently with Ruth watching the breakdown roll in.   
"It wasn't his fault you know." John said softly. He immediately knew it was a mistake as Alfie turned to face the younger brother. Alfie laughed and shook his head.   
"Nah, it was your fault for not watching him."   
"We're not his bloody bodyguards-"   
"Yeah I know that John, but he has been out of the game for how long? He had no idea what level of aggression existed out there. For all you fuckin' idiots knew that guy had been casing this pub for weeks waiting for Tom to re-emerge." Alfie said between clenched teeth.   
"Yeah... I guess, but -" Alfie held a hand up to stop him. Alfie kissed Ruth's forehead still sleeping in John's arms.   
"Ruth, I'm going to make sure this is right. No one will come after me or your Tata again." Alfie flicked his eyes up to John, "Have Esme or Polly come up and take care of Ruth for a little while. My boys have the bastard down at a warehouse at the docks." A hard look let John know it was also his fault that the Peaky Blinders hadn't caught the murderer. "There is some divine judgment about to rain down on some fucking fools."   
"What do I tell Tommy when he wakes up?" John shouted at Alfie as he walked to the door.   
Without breaking stride he flung the door open and answered, "Tell 'im I love 'im." 

The stink of the Thames mixed with rotten fish and whatever chemicals were leaching out of several industrial factories nearby was cleaned away in the bullets of rain that fell heavy and cold and quick. Alfie readied himself in the back of his car where he sat in silence with Ollie. Alfie took off the plain gold ring he wore, the only ring he had worn since mating with Tommy, and removed a cloth bag from a small compartment in the door of the car. One by one he pulled the rings from the bag and fitted them to their proper places. It wasn't important the metal, some were gold, others silver, one precious ring may have been platinum. What mattered was the gaudy giant stones set in each one and what they could do to human flesh and bone. His normal cane was also switched out for one with a solid brass bird's head serving as the handle, it had to weight ten pounds at least. Alfie tried to steady his breathing as he flexed his hands adjusting to the now alien weight of his favorite weapons. There was always a touch of anxiety, fueled by adrenaline, that Alfie had to master before throwing himself into a situation that would soon be violent, inhuman, and brutal. It seemed more difficult now. 

"Boss?" Ollie ventured.  
"Right." Alfie snapped back to his senses grabbing his cane and swinging the door to the car open. They walked up to the door but could hear nothing over the storm but once the door opened the scene filled in. The man who had tried to kill Alfie was struggling to sit up straight in the chair he was bound to. His men had worked the pissant omega over a bit, what was considered a light thrashing in his world seemed to have been quite the beating to the tied up stranger. Blood ran down his face from a cut on his forehead and his nose. Blood dripped too on the floor behind the man, coming from the rope cutting into his hands behind his back. He saw Alfie and began to try to thrash to the tune of Alfie's darkly amused thugs. 

Alfie, however, was not amused. He stepped toward the man into the pool of light a loan lantern had cast around them. He stood looking at him for a moment, the beta couldn't even meet his eyes. When he finally did look at Alfie he was answered with a backhand that cracked his orbital bone. Alfie thought briefly that it had been his jade ring that had done the breaking, it was one of the biggest and his favorite. He half-smiled as the man writhed in agony. He listened, enjoying the sounds of his suffering as it merged with the rage built deep in Alfie's own. He waited until the assassin quieted.

"Charles Aleister Chaple - some cunt who used to be a milliner and is now a fan of drink and horse... Why the fuck would you hurt Thomas Shelby? Who are you working for?"   
"Fuck y-" Alfie didn't let him finish before slamming the bird into the other side of his face. An animal-like cry heaved out of the man and he vomited a moment later.   
"Oh tsk tsk tsk, but that'll happen, had to hurt. Didn't hurt though half a bad as what I've got planned." Alfie grumbled into his ears. "Tell me quickly now and I will shoot you in the back of the fucking 'ead and end this whole nightmare - keep it up with the less than helpful attitude and just find out what is in store." 

"Please don't- "  
"Hey chaps - first it was 'fuck you' now it's 'please don't'. My how his tune has changed." Alfie grabbed Charles Aleister Chapel's chin causing pain to ripple through the cracked bones throughout his skull. Alfie lifted his face to look at him again but Charles wisely stared at the floor.   
"Now listen here Charlie - you tried to take my mate away today - my omega. Now which of Tommy's many enemies do. you. work. for."   
"Just kill me, I can't say anything or they said-they said my family would get nothing. I need them to help them - I failed to so they need something...someone."   
"Oh for fucks sakes - I'm helping my family you fucking coward. You hear me? You tried to kill an omega who just whelped! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alfie's anger chased away his patience and he grabbed hold of his cane.   
"I didn't know anything about that cub, I'm just-"  
"Who were they? Give me a name..."   
"If I do, you gotta promise to take care of my family. Please-"   
"Alright alright, Jesus fucking christ."   
"They didn't tell me who they were but they gave me this." The man nodded down to his chest where a chain hung under his shirt. As Alfie pulled it out a cabbala tree of life emerged.   
"Wha the"   
"They said you'd know what it means." Alfie tossed the cane in the air and caught it midway down the instrument. With one fluid motion, he broke Charles Aleister Chapel's skull open. His body fell sideways still in the chair where his limbs twitched in a horrible display. A few moments later he was still.   
"Jesus boss," Ollie said approaching his employer. "What does it mean?"   
"It means it... it wasn't Tommy's enemies - it was mine."


	5. Nine Months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tata is Romani for Daddy and Tate is Yiddish - Oi - since he's Russian, we are going with Papa.

After beating Tommy's attacker to death Alfie faced the fight of his life - with his damned mate. Tommy was sitting up when he returned to his hospital room, blood still on the tips of his shoes, bone tired.  
"Where'd you go?" Polly seemed to emerge from the shadows but she simply sat in the corner of the room, an electric light humming above her. The nurses must have brought in a cradle because Ruth was next to Tommy.  
"What the hell?" Alfie shrugged at her, immediately furious she was even here at this late hour. "Get out, woman, I need to talk to Tommy."  
Polly's scent raged over his, cinnamon and smokey honey.  
"You just disappear from his side after an extremely inappropriate shouting match in. a. hospital." She was whisper yelling at him as she furiously began gathering her things. "And left your child with your grievously injured mate and her.... idiot uncles!" She emphasized the last two words, smacking Alfie with her purse.  
"Oi, Oi, it's a hospital, that's what they fucking do, take care of invalids and infants. Call her off Tom."  
"Polly," Tommy tried to sound commanding but it came out as a whimper.  
"Alright, I'm leaving, but not because you said to, but because I've been supporting my nephew and his child since almost two this afternoon since his mate has been what?" She crinkled her nose looking down at his shoes.  
"Murdering the man who attacked Tommy." Polly stared silently at the tired face. She nodded, some kind of relief driven by revenge crossed her face.  
"Will that be it then?"  
"Most likely not, I received a ... not so nice message. I think I need to talk to Tommy alone. Please."  
Polly nodded. Removed a cigarette from her purse and moved past him out of the room in a whirl of warm cinnamon. 

Alfie stood silently for a moment before he moved over to the cradle next to Tommy to look down at the sleeping face of their daughter.  
"This is a weird deja vu eh?" He said to Ruth with a nod. "Your Tate here, me looking down at you, scared out me mind and confused about what to do next."  
"Alfie - we need to talk."  
"We do. I want to move us out of the city, we are going to a house I have on the coast."  
"Ha. Ok." Tommy shook his head laughing.  
"What?"  
"You don't do this to me Alfie. You don't walk in and start telling me what to fuckin' do like that." He said shaking his head. "Why do you think I marched out of the house? I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take being your fucking employee."  
"Employee? What the hell are you talking about!? You stormed out when Ruth started laughing- for the first time! Laughing!"  
"Laughing - for you. That isn't why I left. I left because I needed to blow off steam. I'm with her all day and it's been - it's been BORING." Alfie pulled back surprised.  
"Boring?"  
"Christ, YES Alfie - what did you think? I'm not some fucking domestic house pet, I am the same fucking person I was before Ruth was born just with-"  
"Adjusted priorities and perspectives," Alfie finished the sentence and fell into a chair next to Tommy, taking his hand in his.  
"Yea. I don't have a voice in what happens in my life anymore. You just walked in and announced we are moving? Fuck that."  
"Yeah? Well, I don't have a voice in my home anymore." Alfie countered. Tommy withdrew his hand and set his hard features.  
"What the hell does that mean?"  
"I mean you don't let me do anything Tom! Look, Ruth and I made it four days without you and nothing bad happened. I'm not helpless with her!"  
Tommy's eyes burned. Neither of them had expected this, turning the situation on each other.  
"You don't know what to do for her." Tommy said with as little emotion in his voice as possible.  
"Excuse fucking me?" Alfie stood up, looking down at Tommy. "No beautiful, you don't get it both ways. You don't get to keep dominating taking care of Ruth and keeping me out AND get to run around town getting fucking stabbed."  
"Fuck you."  
"You need the help. I want to be that help. If you don't think I know something, teach me." Alfie pointed at the bandage on his chest. "Not like you'll be doing much of anything else for a while, side's movin' to the seaside."  
"Fuck. You."  
"Tommy, have you ever seen this before?" Alfie pulled out the medallion would-be- assassin and current corpse. Tommy shook his head no.  
"It means that some people are coming for me. It's nothing I can't handle but withdrawing from the city is probably the best idea." Alfie came back to the bedside but sat down near Tommy's legs. He reached forward and turned Tommy's face so he could see the wound slashed down his beautiful face. It had knocked the top of his brow leaving a bloody wound above his deep-set eyes, but the wound got deeper under the eye and into the cheek. Alfie winced.  
"I'm sorry this happened to you love."  
"You took care of it?" Alfie brushed the back of his knuckles down the unslashed side of Tommy's face.  
"I took care of it." He leaned in and kissed him softly. "This is all my fault."  
"You took care of it." Tommy shrugged. "I'm still glad I got out of the house." Alfie snorted and shook his head.  
"Jesus Tom, how bad is it?"  
"Bad."  
"What do you need?"

What followed was a careful negotiation of what their new life would have to look like to keep Tommy both sane and safe in a seaside town far from his business and friends. Tommy got two days off, out of the house. It was more like a forced exile so he wouldn't hover over Ruth and Alfie. He staid out eight hours the first day and argued with Alfie when he came back that 8 hours didn't count as a whole day but what did Alfie expect in his tiny town. Was he supposed to go dig oysters for christ sakes? Tommy stomped back to the pub and Alfie locked the front door of their cottage against him. When Tommy returned home a few hours later Ruth was clean and fed, nestled in a crib with a few toys within reach and she seemed genuinely happy to see him return.

Another rule was that Alfie had to wake up when Tommy and Ruth woke up, no excuse. Tommy didn't police his bedtime - he was too busy still trying to get Ruth on a schedule and put himself to bed at 9:30. If Alfie wasn't in bed by 9:30 then there would be no physical business - but Tommy had to start trying...if not sex at least some kind on intimacy again. Tommy felt a pin of shame in his gut, he had no idea how far he had gone and how much Alfie was actually hurting and doubting himself. Alfie told Tommy about the story of Ollie teaching him how to hold a super small baby correctly and it was illuminating. Alfie needed some guidance but he was willing to learn and it wouldn't hurt for Tommy to let go a moment, it would be better for everyone. Tommy had been so angry at Alfie but hadn't seen that he was also in the way of their happiness. 

For Ruth's part, she changed every day. She was soon rolling over and the assurance she would be where you last put her was gone. At five months she was up on her knees, rocking back and forth while Alfie watched with amusement and Tommy with horror. His eyes flew around the room - crystal ashtray on the low coffee table, old china leftover from tea within grabbing distance, some delicious looking coins on the table, a delicate cart filled with barware and topped with decanters - all perfect toddler death traps.  
"Ain't it grand Tommy?" Alfie grabbed him by the hip and hugged him close, resting his hair face against Tommy's stubble. "She's always doing something new."  
"You poor dumb fuck," Tommy said with a sigh, "She's going to start destroying this house."  
Alfie pulled Tommy close against his chest and growled seductively. It worked, it seemed to shake something loose in Tommy and his scent softly returned - amber and earth. Alfie leaned down and nipped his neck affectionately - not trying to push it but extremely pleased that the fucking water lilies were on their way out. 

"We will work on it. We will make it work. We always do."

Alfie was finally letting his guard down when a knock came to the door one day when Alfie was home alone with Ruth.


End file.
